Royal Stumble: Royal Rumble Fails to Live up to Hype

Before I get bashed to heavily by those who will say wrestling is not a sport, let me explain to you why I like it and why it should get a little more respect than it does.  First off, these guys are professional athletes, trained at what they do to perform in front of large groups of people.  I respect what UFC guys do and they are vicious suckers, but the WWE seems to draw me in more. Sure they don't hit three-pointers or throw touchdowns passes, but they work very hard at what they do.  Secondly, this is a form of entertainment.  Just as people watch football for entertainment, wrestling is watched by a lot of people and is well-liked.  Finally, wrestling is a business just like many of the "regular" sports that people love.  People lose jobs, get raises, are hired, and suspended just like all sports.  I will say that wrestling is not like baseball, football, basketball, etc, but it does deserve more respect than it gets because real injuries happen.  Yes, much of it is scripted and fake, but its not like a body slam or a choke slam isn't a real thing happening.  Moving on, let me say that I was very disappointed with last night's Royal Rumble event in St. Louis.

The three man cage match between heavyweight champion Daniel Bryan and challengers Mark Henry and the Big Show was lackluster at best.  The first match of the night is always a bit longer, and this was no exception.  The problem with this match is clearly that Bryan is a tiny man in comparison to these giants, thus creating a problem with ring chemistry.  It is hard for a 500 pound man and a 190 pound man to do moves on each other; it just doesn't work right.  Bryan's game is built on agility, kicks, submission holds, and aggressive, whereas those two mammoths base their strengths off of their size and ability to overpower you.  Don't even get me started on the ending, which was pretty silly.  Bryan dangled on the side of the cage as the Big Show held on to him.  Bryan easily could have just let go and won, but he had to play it out so long and finally fall from the Big Show's grasp to inevitable victory.  Pretty lame ending if you ask me.

Other matches included the Glamazon's title redemption, Brodus Clay beating McIntrye, and the Kane-Cena match.  The Kane-Cena match was dumb because of a double count-out, but I guess they did this to continue the rivalry.  If one had won, they wouldn't have a story line for future shows, so they had to end it like this and also see Kane brutalize Cena and Zack Ryder again, who looked absolutely ridiculous in a wheelchair acting all helpless.  It's just frustrating to see this same post-match plot over and over again where there is a double count-out and one guy just ends up beating the living out of the other guy.  It's so predictable and boring some of the time.  The other two matches in this paragraph I won't even discuss because I was too busy eating my buffalo wings to really care at all.  I just saw Brodus Clay's sloppy figure dance around and nearly cause me to lose my appetite.

Looking at CM Punk and Dolph match, the whole Lauranitis thing is just annoying to me because he looked gross in a ref's uniform and all this nonsense stuff about him doing a bad job is just pointless and doesn't really accomplish anything.  Regarding the match, there were many pins that could have been counted if not for the hapless ref being knocked out.  WWE referees, if they truly weren't acting and were actually hurt, would possibly be the weakest creatures in all of humanity.  They get barely touched by these guys and they fall over and act like they were just punched out.  The match itself was all right, but I don't really like either guy enough to care.

Finally, the Royal Rumble match, where 30 superstars aim for a shot at glory at Wrestlemania.  I did enjoy the Mankind and Santino cobra vs sock, Road Dogg and Hacksaw Jim Duggan turning back the clock, and Kofi Kingston's freakish walking handstand back to safety, but other than that I wasn't too thrilled with the Royal Rumble.  Guys just sit in corners or act like they are trying so hard to get someone over the ropes.  My friends and I were also holding out hope that maybe we'd see the likes of Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker make an appearance, but it was not meant to be I guess.  The final four came down to Sheamus, Orton, Jericho, and the Big Show.  The Big Show went first, followed surprisingly by Orton, who was knocked out in his hometown by Jericho.  Jericho and Sheamus were the final two, and I was in no way expecting Jericho could lose, but Sheamus kicked him out of the ring and onto the ground for the victory.  But this finish left me confused because it didn't really make sense for Wrestlemania implications.  Who will he face?  Daniel Bryan? I'm not sure that's a great headliner at Wrestlemania.  At least if Jericho or Orton had won, you feel they would be equipped to battle CM Punk.  I feel like one of those has to win Elimination Chamber now.  I feel like they should have let Sheamus or someone win Elimination Chamber because the Royal Rumble is supposed to be one of the best PPV's of the year.  You want the best possible guy to win it, and Orton or Jericho would have fit that bill.  Sheamus is good, but his pasty white body on the screen pointing up at the Wrestlemania sign wasn't exactly a glorious sight to behold.

Well there you have it.  Let me know what you think of my analysis and how you feel about WWE wrestling in general.